I am not intentionally putting off the eschatology series at all…seriously…it will continue soon. But first, this quote from Gary A. Haugen’s “Good News About Injustice”:

“How pathetic it would be if God said, “Seek justice, rescue the oppressed, defend the orphan and plead for the widow - and good luck to you out there!” But sometimes we act as if that’s precisely the way He works, suspecting that He calls us to a grand, godly, utterly impossible work in the world and then doesn’t bother to show up. But of course this isn’t true…Jesus promised that when He left the Holy Spirit would come and we would receive “power” to be His witnesses - witnesses to His gospel, His love, His mercy, and His justice (Acts 1: .”

Family road trip #2 was much less unpleasant than family road trip #2! Thank you so much, those of you who prayed for me…you know who you are

This is a digressive post from the eschatology series that I just decided to start (if you missed it, here is the intro). I am gripped by a holy fear…this is the weightiest subject I have ever blogged on. And so, it needs more than the usual typing as things come into my mind. These posts need much forethought and editing, I think. Perhaps I shouldn’t have committed to writing this series? Anyway, in the next post I want to address some common reasons people have for not studying eschatology and dispel some misconceptions. I have some in mind, but I welcome comments! I would love to address some questions & comments from you guys…so don’t be shy!

So a few days ago I was gripped by the following, from “Good News About Injustice” by Gary A. Haugen:

“The battle for justice in the world is not fought where we think it is. The struggle against injustice is not fought on the battlefield of power or truth or even righteousness. There are pitched battles waged on these ramparts, but the war is ultimately won or lost on a more forward front. In the end the battle against oppression stands or falls on the battlefield of hope.

No one knows this better than the oppressors…they rely on, utterly depend on, the inaction of despair. They know full well that their preeminence depends on most people in their community, their nation and their world doing nothing. This is the essence of Edmund Burke’s conviction about human history: ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.’ “

This really struck a chord in my heart. All my life I have been really passionate about social justice. From my very earliest of years, I have had a heart of deep compassion. But for most of my life, I have felt completely incapacitated. As I saw all the suffering and oppression in the world, I felt like I would never be able to make a difference. It was so frustrating and painful to me that a lot of times I literally felt like I was going to explode. I remember once in my teens reading a story about a child walking along a beach. As he walked he picked up starfish and threw them into the sea. When an old man asked the child what he was doing, the child replied that he was saving them. The old man gestured along the shoreline at the hundreds of starfish, and remarked that the boy would never be able to make a difference. Not the least bit fazed, the boy threw another starfish into the ocean and remarked, “I made a difference to that one.” Though cheesy, this story inspired me to do all that I could to make a difference to even one person. But of course, I was still often incapacitated by hope and despair.

You would think that after getting saved, that wouldn’t be an issue anymore because my Father is the King of Kings, and with Him all things are possible. But sadly, I am still often plagued by the same feelings of hopelessness in the face of injustice and suffering. I still wonder what I, one measly person, can do. Why do I never learn that it’s not about me? If we focus on ourselves, of course we get discouraged…because in and of ourselves, there isn’t much we can do. If it were up to fallen humanity to set free the captives and bind up the broken-hearted, of course things would be utterly hopeless and we might as well throw in the towel.

But it is not about us, nor is it up to us. It is about the Word who became flesh, specifically for the purpose of setting captives free. It is about a God who weeps at injustice and who is moved with compassion at the suffering of the widow and orphan. And it is up to the God who is supremely sovereign above all nations and kingdoms and rulers and governments, sovereignly good above all forms of evil and malice.

Righteousness and justice are the very foundation of His throne. He wants justice on the earth a gazillion times more than we do. So when we want to be agents of His justice and mercy, and want to help bring justice to the oppressed, there should be no reason for hopelessness or despair. We should be joyful vessels, submitted to His good and perfect and merciful will, willing to do anything and go anywhere in order to seek justice and encourage the oppressed. When we do everything we can, God  will do everything we can’t.

I am so excited about the invitational that several InterVarsity chapters in Ohio will be doing. Here’s the post I wrote about it a while back. Here’s the video again! Watch it

(The family road trip, as I expected, consisted mainly of fighting. But I don’t want to get into that!)

I just started reading “Growing Your Faith by Giving it Away” by R. York Moore (the Great Lakes region evangelism director for InterVarsity Christian Fellowship). In the first chapter he talks about when he first got saved, and how he talked about Jesus with everyone he encountered. He read books on apologetics, theology, archeology, evangelism, Christian living and biblical hermeneutics. Then, the following quote:

“Above all, however, I was drawn to the study of eschatology…the fact that my newfound Savior was literally going to return to earth floored me like no other truth I had heard. I couldn’t figure out why my new Christian friends were so blasé about it. It was all I wanted to talk about and all I could think about as I lay awake on my bed night after night. I also believed there was no greater reason for lost people to give their lives to Christ, so I frequently spoke about it with my classmates and coworkers.”

As I read these first few pages, I saw my story staring back at me…the immediate post-salvation burden for evangelism, the devouring of books on all manners of theology and apologetics, and above all, the drawing of my heart and mind to the topic of eschatology. Like Moore, I could not understand why the awesome reality of Christ’s return to the earth and the consummation of the Kingdom of God was a topic so greatly ignored in Christendom. Eschatological matters consumed my thoughts, meditations and study, but it was rare to encounter a believer that I could converse with about these things.

Eschatology is probably the most neglected area of study and meditation among believers today. This, to me, is a strange thing because it is literally everywhere in the Scriptures, both the Old and New Testaments. In the Old Testament, the most earth-shattering passages on the second coming of Christ can be found in Daniel, Isaiah, and Ezekiel. In the New Testament, it is in almost every epistle. In addressing almost every issue the early church encountered, the apostles wrote of the second coming and encouraged the fledgling church to keep their eyes on eternity and to live in light of Christ’s return. Christ Himself taught on the end of this age and the age to come in what is known as the Olivet Discourse (Matthew 24-25, Mark 13, Luke 21). All throughout the ages, saints of God have been consumed with this reality. Even today, it is a burning reality for many saints…just not in the west, it seems. In countries like China where believers are dying every day for the gospel, they are setting their hearts firmly on the day when the kingdom of the world will become the kingdom of our Lord and of His Christ, and He shall reign forever and ever (Revelation 11:15). They love the book of Revelation…we ignore it. Perhaps it is because the western church is too comfortable? We are not looking for the day of His return because we love life in the here and now. His coming would actually disrupt our lives.

It is not my intention to rant about how the western church today is complacent, so I will not digress there. Although the Church has many issues today, there is coming a day when She will be made spotless, without blemish or wrinkle, made ready for her Bridegroom. And the marriage feast of the lamb will be celebrated.

What I hope to do is write a series that will awaken a hunger to study eschatology, and to provide some help for those wanting to start studying it. Stay tuned

(leaving for road trip number 2 tomorrow…DC with the fam…)

• God is sooo good and sooooo faithful! Two weeks ago I had no job and no possible places to live once I did manage to find a job and save up. Tonight I just worked my first shift at Aroma Coffee & Tea, and I most likely have a place to live starting in August! Living with my parents has been very challenging in so many ways. Before moving back in with them, I already knew that my heart was deceitfully wicked above all things. In this past year, I realized once again that it is far more wicked than I knew. It’s like I turn into Mr. Hyde around them. As much as I try so hard to honor them and love them with the love of Christ, our relationship continues to deteriorate and they continue to be more and more hostile toward me and my faith. My own spirituality and emotions are profoundly affected in the most negative of ways. It is becoming quite apparent that me moving out would actually be advantageous to our relationship.
• On the topic of my parents…we are taking a family road trip. We are leaving this morning for Boston and then New York. I am terrified, and have mounting feelings of dread. Tolstoy opens Anna Karenina with the statement that happy families are all alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way. Our family is unhappy in a plethora of the “unhappiest” of ways. We can hardly be together for 5 minutes without fighting…so 9 hours in the car? Ooooo boy….
• This is my first post in a few weeks I think, and it’s random! I’m having blogger’s block; and not because there’s nothing I want to write about, but rather because there are too many things I want to write about! I can’t even choose. There are two topics I’m considering writing series on when I come back: eschatology, and singleness/purity/biblical femininity. Eschatology, because ever since I started studying that topic in the Word, it has been one of my anchors. It is actually something that took my relationship with Jesus to a whole new level, and grounded me and kept me going no matter how difficult things got. The revelation of eternity and His return burn on my heart, and I would like to share a little from that.
• And then, there’s the issue  of singleness/purity/biblical femininity. I have been pursuing intentional singleness and purity basically ever since I got saved. Yup, I have been happily single and going after the heart of the Lord for three years. I kissed dating goodbye after I got saved. And no, I have not read Joshua Harris’ book. But I truly believe that singleness is a blessing and a gift…if navigated with the right heart and attitude. A season of singleness is something we should embrace and “grab by the horns,” rather than grudgingly trudge through it, hoping and looking and desperately trying to get out of it.  Biblical femininity…it’s not something I’ve thought about until this past week. Up till now, I’ve just been pursuing godliness in a general sense. Of course I wanted one day to be a godly wife and mother, but since I knew I was in a God-ordained season of singleness, I never bothered to care about it. I ignored all sermons and books about dating/courtship and gender-specific (to the female gender, of course) topics.  But this week, it hit me…I’m not going to be cruising along intentionally single, and then wake up married and a godly wife and mother. And so…I think I think it is time for me to learn what it is to be a godly woman. What is biblical femininity? In thinking about these things, I realized something. My egalitarian friends, you guys are going to freak out. I realized that my views of gender roles are actually complementarian! More on that when I blog about these things Stay tuned!

I am part of the “Fellowship of the Unashamed.”

The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The

decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I won’t look back, let up, slow down, back away, or

be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense,

and my future is secure.

I am finished and done with low living, sight walking,

small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams,

tame visions, mundane talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed

goals.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven,

my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions

few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear.

I won’t give up, back up, let up or shut up until I’ve

preached up, prayed up, paid up, stored up, and stayed

up for the case of Christ. I must go until He returns,

give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until

He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have

no problem recognizing me. My colors will be clear.

“For I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ”

(Romans 1:16).

As the week came to a close, one of the last things our program director said to us was, “God exists on the other side of the Mackinac Bridge as well!” As he said those words, it seemed like just a moment ago we were crossing the Mackinac into the upper peninsula of Michigan. I was flooded with the memory of taking in the absolutely breathtaking view, the fusion of cloudless sky and glistening water…being hit with the realization that we were almost at Cedar Campus…and being filled with anticipation about the week to come. It was at that moment that my soul was filled with sadness. Even though we hadn’t even arrived yet, I could feel in the deep recesses of my heart a foreshadowing of the sadness I would feel when we would leave a week later. And as we crossed the Mackinac a week later back into the “mitten,” it really felt like we were leaving another world.

As we crossed the Mackinac bridge when departing from Cedar Campus, it felt like my heart was woefully bidding adieu to a magical world of peace, joy, beauty and true koinonia fellowship. I tried to prepare myself to re-enter reality…a world full of chaos, sorrow, uncertainty, and broken relationships. My innately pessimistic and cynical side battled fiercely against the side that wanted desperately to be optimistic and to  believe.  I willed my soul to shut out the voices that were screaming, “here we go, back to life sucking!” And I called to remembrance the program director’s statement that God exists on the other side of the Mackinac Bridge, in the “real” world.

God is just as near to me here in Akron, Ohio as at Cedar Campus. There, God’s presence is manifestly present. Beauty is undeniably everywhere. It is impossible not to rejoice. Here, God’s presence seems much more veiled. Beauty is more difficult to see and appreciate. I daily face persecution. But in this place, I choose to walk in His presence. I choose to see the beauty and wonder in the mundane. And I choose to  rejoice in the Lord always.

The most stirring and memorable corporate time for me at CFW this year was the plenary for leadership team and small group leaders, entitled “Witnessing Communities.” The speaker gave various definitions of the word vision, and broke down the three components of the vision statement of InterVarsity: 1) Students and faculty transformed; 2) Campuses renewed; and 3) World Changers developed. They showed many video testimonies from chapters all across the country, and I had chills running up and down my spine the entire time. There is a perpetual ache in my heart for spiritual reality…for myself, my campus, and for the world. During this session, that ache became almost unbearable…I felt a literal, physical pain in my chest.

The part about social justice and changing the world was the most gripping for me. For as long as I could remember, even way B.C., social justice has been something I am extremely passionate about. And for as long as I could remember, I have always felt so small. I have always been frustrated at my seeming inability to make any sort of difference. I felt compassion in my heart, but so what? Compassion without action is futility. I don’t remember where this passage is, but somewhere in the New Testament it talks about how if your brother needs a cloak, and you feel compassion in your heart but send him on his way without helping him…it’s no good.

The speaker shared a lot of stories about people who made a huge impact…little, weak, insignificant, sinful people like you and me, who changed the world by the power of their big, omnipotent, infinite, holy God. The following is a video they showed about what InterVarsity chapters all across the nation are doing to raise awareness and funds to battle modern day slavery. It’s hitting Ohio, guys!! This fall YSU, UA, and Marietta are partnering with College of Wooster in holding this invitational. I AM SO EXCITED!

One of the first things our leadership team did was take the Myers-Briggs personality test. Ruining my life would be a bit of an exaggeration, but this test has shined a spotlight onto all my personality flaws. I’m a bit over it now, but at CFW I was constantly psychoanalyzing myself as many of my foibles were brought to the surface.

So…I am…drum roll please….an ISFJ. No one on the team could believe that I am an introvert. Most would assume by my usual bubbly-ness and talkativeness that I am an extreme extrovert. But I am in reality an extreme introvert. I would choose a night in curled up with a good book over a night out on the town hands-down. I prefer small, intimate chats over large gatherings and faceless crowds. When appropriate, I can usually flap my social butterfly wings, but it is quite taxing.

I am also an extreme feeler. I am incredibly sensitive to the feelings of others, and often do not say things for fear of hurting other people’s feelings. When it comes to my own feelings being hurt, I would say that I am not incredibly, overly sensitive. My feelings do not get hurt easily at all, except for when someone makes a joke and it points to something that I really dislike about myself. That’s when I feel sort of uneasy.

Early on in the week we also did initiatives, which were team-building challenges. Personalities really came out, and the way we work as a team clearly manifested. Once again, my personality flaws became starkly apparent to me. I was incredibly passive and timid. I didn’t want to voice any ideas or initiate any actions…I felt like I had nothing to contribute. It’s funny how the way we work in leading and planning for the chapter manifested in those physical activities. Because that is totally how I was in the planning meetings - I was pretty quiet and felt like I didn’t really have anything to contribute. I felt really inadequate. About halfway through the week I talked to our staffworker about it, and she helped me realize that I was being deceived by the Enemy…and that the way I was feeling was rather unwarranted.

I love how we really bonded and got to know each other for real. Each of us shared a testimony, and we were all very open and vulnerable with each other. I shared a lot of painful things that I had never shared before…and it made me feel kind of uneasy afterward. I’m glad that I was transparent, but even now when I think about it, I wonder if perhaps I had shared too much. But…voicing some of the things that I have kept buried deep in my heart made me realize how much healing I still need…I was starting to think that I had for the most part gotten over my past…but I now realize I am clearly not.

I am tired of my past dictating my present and my future. I don’t want to be enslaved by my past anymore…especially since all the really messed up stuff is from B. C. 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotations on this blog will be from the English Standard Version). A lot of times I don’t feel like a new creation at all! In so many ways I do not feel like I have been set free. But He is bestowing upon me beauty for ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Slowly but surely, He is making me whole.

As far as planning for the 2008-2009 school year…IT WAS AWESOME! I am soo sooo sooo excited, words CANNOT express! We’re adding daily prayer meetings as well as a weekly large group. We’re going to have a weekly guys and girls small group, which will both be studying prayer. I’m leading the girls group!! I am so excited! When Julie asked if anyone really felt led to lead this group, my usually passivity and timidity totally went out the window.

I am so excited for the coming year! Peace

This was where I got to spend an entire week…Cedar Campus in the upper peninsula of Michigan. It is truly one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. There were so many times during the week when I was just completely speechless. I was in total awe of my Creator, and all I could do was whisper, “O Lord, how all of creation declares Your majesty!”

Can you imagine having quiet time every day in a place like this? It was absolutely AMAZING.

For the first time in eons it seems, I had time to just be still and know that He is God. I think that’s one of the hardest things in our hectic society, to just be still! We’re always in a mad rush from one thing to the next; not just with secular things, but even with ministry and spiritual disciplines. I love ministry, and Bible study, and prayer…ministry and spiritual disciplines rock my world! But it is INCREDIBLY hard for me to just be still in His presence…not doing anything, not saying anything…just listening, resting. Perhaps I’m too result-oriented. When we put time into something, we want tangible results. We need to be constantly doing something, or we feel like we’re wasting our time. But I think we’re called human beings rather than human doings for a reason!!

So I made a lot of times at CFW where I put away EVERYTHING…including Bible & journal, which are my staples. I quieted my soul…took in the beauty all around me, smelled the fresh & unpolluted air, listened to the soothing sounds of the waves & wildlife…and praised His name. Often I just sat in silence and enjoyed His presence and nearness. I love how with our most intimate of friends we can spend time together without saying a single word…and yet feel so close. That’s how it is with God as well! Some of our best quiet times are the ones that are exactly that…quiet!

We often come to God and just have verbal diarrhea…or immediately present our shopping lists. Don’t get me wrong, I love and believe in supplication and intercession. But I have found that it is often in silence that we are restored…it is when we are silent that we hear His voice. It is as we still our souls and know that He is God that we are transformed. I don’t think prayer is as much about our circumstances changing as it is about our own inward transformation. And that happens as we know Him more…by being still before Him.

Chapter Focus Week was, of course, amazing…on so many different levels. The week was so blog-worthy that I’ve decided to make it the focus of the first series on this new blog

In my last post before I left, I had alluded to my struggle this past year with compromise; and I had mentioned that sometimes I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. One morning for QT I decided to read through the epistle of James. I didn’t get very far before the Word of God pierced through my heart, and I was stopped dead in my tracks.

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like.”

~James 1:22-24 (ESV)~

The NASB renders verse 24 as follows: for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was.

There was my answer: I was forgetting what I was like, forgetting what kind of person I was…because I was not vigilantly being a doer of the Word. Often, the answer to our struggles is simple in principle, but very difficult in practice. Such is the case here…all I have to do is be a doer of the Word. On one hand simple, a “duh” answer…very “Sunday School.” On the other hand, impossible. Thankfully, before I started to bemoan the fact that it was impossible, I remembered the fact that with God all things are possible.

As I meditated and talked to God about these things this past week, I realized with horror that I had fallen into something I had desperately tried to avoid. Looking over the landscape of contemporary evangelicalism in America and seeing all the damage that had been done in the emergent church in the name of relevance, I had always vowed that I would not compromise… that I would hold to my biblical convictions, no matter how unpopular. But compromise I did…in the name of relevance.

1 Corinthians 9:22 says, “I have become all things to all men, that I may by all means save some.” But in trying to become all things to all men, I had lost myself. This is a delicately thin line to walk…in trying to become all things to all men for the sake of the Gospel, I felt like I was constantly on the verge of compromise, worldliness, sin, and idolatry. The path of lifestyle evangelism is extremely narrow, with deep chasms on both sides. Err too much on the side of separatism, and you fall into the gorge of the holy huddle. You become useless in the work of the Gospel because you have no connection with the world. This gorge is relatively easier to climb out of, and continuing onward on the narrow path is very possible. However, err too much on the side of relevance, and you fall into the gorge of salt that has lost it’s saltiness. You are no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under people’s feet. You are of no use because you are just like the world. This gorge is incredibly difficult to climb out of. But not impossible, mind you, with God. This latter scenario is the predicament I find myself currently in. Throughout the course of this past year, I found myself becoming more worldly-minded, but the people around me were not becoming more spiritually-minded.

Is there a way to be relevant without compromising? I was trying to walk that line all of this past school year, but I failed miserably. Paul did it, so it must be possible. At Chapter Focus Week, the reason why I had failed hit me like a lightening bolt. It was because I had gotten things backwards. I tried so hard to be relevant that before I knew it, I was cruising along the road of relevance while wondering how I had thrown my biblical convictions out the window…and I was constantly wondering how I could live according to His Word again. What I should have done from the beginning was live as a doer of the Word while wondering how to be relevant. I should have never done it the other way around, live a “relevant” lifestyle while wondering how to be a doer of the Word. No wonder I immediately forgot what kind of person I was.

I have come back from CFW so ready to intensify my pursuit once again. Consecrated heart. Radical purity and holiness. Life of fasting and prayer. Abiding in His Word. Justice for the oppressed. I AM AFTER HIS HEART.